Money

Money can buy lot of peace of mind. Safety against physical and mental harm but not harm themselves. Money definitely can buy honor envy and respect from people.

I am not against money and I am for money. Money gives me buying power sitting at home. I am against movement. Money may give me luxury of travel. Rolls Royce car for travelling short distances. Home travel by plane. But they do not make me excited.

Money can buy me idleness. But I enjoy working sitting at home working in computer that may have greater enjoyment. I am not good at arts and writing. They may not motivate me that much. I would certainly love a sun room (weather proof) for my studio. I would love that but What is the amount I need to make working from home.

In last 32 years. I worked from home at least 16 years.

I used to be envious of people having money and I did not approve of stealing. I would often remove myself from them. Today I avoid them still but no longer unhappy of their evil methods that I am incapable of practice. 

I accommodate all bends of mind. Pleasure seeking secretly or openly. I would not like still to be physically involved but I do appreciate predatory nature or animal instinct in human being. I appreciate more of them in animal though. Snake lion tiger microbes sharks .... They are beautiful. They evoke thrills in me. I often enjoy horrific fear in me imagining their acts.

Another horrific fear i have - it is that of me. I am trapped into a society expecting me to behave in a manner that I can no longer conform because of my inabilities or otherwise. I am seeking out.

I prefer places no longer inhabited. I would rather live like Henry Thoreau in nature and naturally conforming to nature and not people. Unfortunately I do not have means. Money and physical ability.

The man I met in Badrinath could do the same naturally but it is not possible for me. I may need to cover my body against cold and heat. I need rest room. I need food and drinks. I have urgency that cannot wait.

Money may buy me such luxury along with isolation. But I have no means internally to achieve the same.

Do I have enough money to turn my deck to Sun Room studio with heater to keep me warm during snow and winter months?

I need to find out.