silence is supreme intelligence

illusion is always unexpected

illusion requires no comment or exposition or ...words...sound ...echo... reaction ...recreation

illusion is supreme joy from viewing

inaction or silence is supreme intelligence

after entire life time of my disillusions I rest in peace, silent joy, unmoved, memory less with my defects as is and at ease with my illusion and

Learning all by my self

Most of my learning is by myself. But I appreciate many teachings and teachers at ISI. My indebtedness towards them. I learnt to reason starting with assumption and concluding. Results without much mincing of words an acceptable conclusion. I always avoided debate on correctness. I almost never took any help even from my elder brothers. I was very weak in english language Dada once taught me a story line by line of a english story in my text. I was very weak in Sanskrit, masima taught me for an hour but I did not learn anything. sanskrit was a nightmare for me. to this day after 55 years I remember my sanskrit teacher. I dream my lesson will not be over unless like duly get passing marks. chhorda's help I took once solving some exercises that I undertook on my own for MB Rao's measure theory in M2. They were very tough problems and I was not getting any ideas. I asked Chhorda and he solved them effortlessly. I did not much appreciate its brevity and usefulness. I was at home with real analysis. Although I did some amount of Complex Number all related to characteristic function and moments determine the probability density function but I could not find much utility of this and knowing more about hyperbolic functions. The other day Soham asked my help on Hyperbolic functions and some tables, instead of learning the same in order to teach him. I flatly refused and said I do not know. I never studied that.

All the words above indicates I have passion for learning all by myself. I buy books passionately till I get the hang of it. I have many hundreds of books in computer that are in beginners level with strange name. I keep on buying such pocket books. I also read from internet about new programming language and technology in elementary level. Logic and set theory I devoted lot of time but I did not appreciate them Though I spent 40 years studying me.

I de-loused me. expertly taking them out from every crevices of my head without resorting to any other means and finally catching it crushing it.

Louse is a belief of mine and it multiplies if I don't crush it.

There were three lights on me - ma chhorda and dada - them enabled me to study me under microscope discovering { }s and eliminating them. some are very deep believes. {{{...{{..{{.... ....}}}}...}}. Discovering them requires lot of time and I have that time in plenty.

Jamaibabu's never ending recollection

I rang up Jamaibabu after about a month. Last time I sent an sms to him asking him write his memoirs.

He is full of it. Even after repeatedly telling the same he remains inexhaustible.

Phone line was bad. I do not have to listen. Masima was deaf so was ma and so was TA Edison. Ther life was not reduced for being deaf. Even when I am told something and I do not follow. I remain quiet. It is not necessary to follow or know.

My form of yoga is working. even if am fully attentive and wish to learn, my brain or mind is already full and cannot absorb any more and I am not upset. It is quite opposite to Dwijen RoyChoudhry.  he would always like to remember names whenever I met him. I do not know however if he knew my name. There is a person I met about 20 times now. He always comes to me and talk but I don't know his name.

I asked Jamai Babu about his sons. I did not follow whatever he said. I only followed he is coming to meet him on 4th May. He is very worried about his property if that goes in the hands other than his sons. Some communist! He is writing his memoirs but not too happy about it. He has got into habit of telling his stories in person and through paper and pen. He maximizes his audience. He wishes to eliminate chance of giving away something that may not be read. He tried to tell about political situation and his own analysis of India or usa. I said that I do not have no time for either. It is my assumption that world is not moving anymore and it is not changing from one day into other.

How much you can listen about a world that never changes.

I then asked a question to him. Why does all superior beings in Hindus are imaged having many limbs? Same as Indian and American politicians having many hands helping themselves with whatever they can lay their hands on. Are they not god to in a fashion we do puja for better life to images with many limbs.

Strangely Badrinath temple has deity without any limbs and so is Kedarnath temple. They are rocks from river beds of Alaknandra and Bhagirathi.

He was married to my sister, so his story starts with his marriage with her but does end with her death since he is still living with her. Ram having banished Sita to forest made an image of her lived with that image for the rest of his life.

there is a bengali word - Strainyo. Tied to wife. Jamaibabu is Ram. Unfortunately he has to tell his story. I have done whatever I could.

water boarding

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waterboarding

I did not this though I heard it many time. Last time I heard it yesterday  in the news reading about the person selected as CIA Chief by Trump. She was open advocate and administered water boarding to al queda prisoners.

I do bear extreme fear without relief. I wished to know what is water boarding that is banned from any usage.

Inhuman.

Once, I think it is Kolhapur in Maharashtra I visited Shibaji's palace museum perhaps, my memory is failing there were many pieces of torture equipment. A chest or breast metal cover with spikes inside that was used for prisoners to cage into.

What kind of pain did they feel?

I felt intense dislike for Trump nominee and finally Trump. It is my horrifying experience of very bad guy insane having executive power and his mechanism to execute the same.

Time is Money the rule that unites earthling

I had shocking mishap last week. I went on an onsite assignment Monday till Thursday.

Tuesday I was sick and realized that I do not have confidence to do travel Job. I am unfit to work away from home. Under the circumstances I can only work remote.

My health is failing. I am incapable to look after myself. Fortunately this job can be done hundred percent remote. If I am not terminated, if so, it is welcome relief. I am going to work remote for next two weeks.

Suppose.

I am alive till now at the end of April and I continue to survive at the end of year and I really see 2019. 

I calculated of my purse to finance my stay in planet earth. For rest of life. Time is money. Chhorda too was engaged in this calculation before his death he had life time pension adequate to finance his way. It is my assumption that his relations around him wished him dead. They did not wished his money spent on himself. He was financially well off to live indefinitely without insurance.

I calculated the expected savings of $25000 at the end of the year if I continue to work sparingly even with ill health. I have to forgo all onsite job and only do remote job from home and home only. 

In 2019 perhaps I have to retire completely. I am calculating my rental obligation to planet earth. She does not forgive even one moment stay without rent. In fact it wipes out what shall remain of me. I am living in modern TIMES.

AS LONG AS I KNOW WORDS< I HAVE TO COMPLY.

If everything goes well as per my expectations. I would make $25000 savings and my mortgage shall be $90000. Investment $375000. Retirement benefit is $1500 per month. Joya's benefit is about $500 and I do not have to pay for her Insurance. It shall be deducted at source. She is also part of mother earth waiting for my demise before I exhaust my finance and live in debt out living my finance.

I shall be of Chhorda's age in June. If I still continue to live, My car mortgage shall end in 2020. My house mortgage will be $70000. I am not for paying off my house mortgage. My expense towards my house is $500/month and yearly debt reduction is $2500. Utility Insurance etc. $500/month. $500/month is living expense. $500/month House Tax. That is total of $2000 per month everything remaining constant. My short fall is about $500 or $6000 per year.

If I sell off my house and live on rental property I shall have $500,000 on investment and pension of $1500 per month on social security. Joya does not contribute while I have spend on everything including Taxes for her child care. She is bent upon making my meals I have asked my times to spare me. For a while about one year I refused to eat her cooking.

But I am married into it till she decides to live in India. She has her relatives and her own house sosial security and about $200000 plus about INR 1.5 million. Me Zinia Soham are incompatible with India and its ways. 6 years back I was there for 10 days and there after I took US Citizenship. Joya continues to go to India but this year she limited to stay there one month only.

I have to make a hard decision to be debt free before my death. I wish to delay it till 10 days before my death. Otherwise my living relations would push me out of my residence. Although I am not sure of 10 days advanced notice. Some advise me to make an investment for in home nursing Insurance. I do have Insurance for death expense about $15000. It would cost me $50000 just now. I no longer inclined to pay rent in advance to planet earth or whoever collects my rentals.

Financially perhaps I can bear myself unlike Basu and he is not bothered living on her mothers pension and written off his inheritance otherwise. His two brothers by words and actions do not recognize him their relations since he may claim his inheritance His mother is nearing 100 and has 3 flats and 2 KG of Gold.

However my failing health is discomfort for me fund or no fund. I do not liked to be looked after by any; nor do I want anyone to know that I am like child now and cannot attend to my need. I do not by no means like to be supported as long I am aware.

I have to be extremely careful about what I eat and I must not eat my money. Just because I paid in advance.

Milk and cereal I must avoid before I go out of home for any reason. Now that I cannot afford nursing care at home.

I must depend on very simple breakfast - juice curd a single piece of bread at most and a boiled or fried egg. Soup and dessert and an apple for lunch. Avoid coffee. Mineral water and mineral water only. No Indian food. Grill soup burger dessert fresh for dinner.

I cannot hopelessly stare at me soiling myself in public. Now that I know that I need a nurse. I reject it. I do not want t be supported.

I remember Chhorda's words. I thought he could physically support himself. He corrected me saying that he cannot leave bed unless fully supported. He had his pride - his financial strength. But he realized money cannot replace his physical disability. He needed oxygen to be given, blood to be given, food to be given, nursing care to be given .. new born child.

Do I have option?

Night before salmon I ate was poison. water juice and milk and bread was not safe. It took 30 minutes to explode. Now I know that I cannot venture out in public without nothing in bowel. Honestly I cannot bear or hold within my body.  Even without eating I create water that I cannot delay. I have this problem

I must leak every now. This cannot be delayed. I must recognize its coming 15 minutes before even when I am sleeping.

Mother earth is not very considerate to give me that much time. I cannot keep my honor in public or private.

I cannot silence any one now or after my death.

I have to witness my dishonor in public without word motion - I cannot hide. There is no place to hide.

Does knowing help?

Mendicant Basu

Basu Madhu Jagu three brothers. Basu was good in studies. Madu was a leader but bad in studies seeking relationship. Jagu was interested in music health and home.
Basu studied for 12 years of college eduction. Engineer and Ending with Phd or equivalent. Departed home into the world of mysticism ghana yoga travelling away from home with people and marijuana.
Madhu eldest not bright but practicing bad doctor of medicine addicted to money women drugs and drinks.
Jagi lived in Chittaranjan all along doing small job but collecting.
Basu asked where in strength of an individual is?
Limit.
Vulture he concluded among living creatures is strongest. It lived on dead bodies after all. This is not similar conclusion Vyasa made about when he chose vulture as the name of Gandhary's brother. Sakuni deliberately planed for end of  Gandhari's blind husband rule. He planned for his kingdom after war of Kurukshetra, All his intelligence came to nothing. Intelligence usually come to nothing.

Basu was good in language - English Germany and many Indian languages. He could go in depth passages written or images drawn. He was good shooter of marble also could keep of wicket. He was fairly good in mathematics. I remember we tackled about 40 questions for National talent Search.

He was very vocal to make his point.

He had two disappointments with opposite sex and finally abandoned pursuing them altogether. He grew a long beard. He was to start with was fond of long hair. He told me that he is going to follow the foot step of his father.

Basu did not inherit any asset from his parents. When his own savings ran out he was supported by his mother who had pension besides 3 flats and 2 kg gold ornaments. She is nearing 100 but not given away her assets to her 3 children.

Basu is very disliked by his siblings although he does not carry any belongings with him. I fondly remembered to visit with him Dehradun when he was winding up IIP job and leaving for IIM Ba and Bangalore on Management Fellowship program. He did complete the same. He also did MTech from IIT and did 2 years advanced studies in Petroleum in Germany. After that he joined Auroville funding his stay. But in about 5 years time he left the same but roaming India famous for distant difficult places for pilgrimages. Many foreigners from ages have been flowing into India, Nepal, Pakistan places of Hindu Pilgrim spots. For Vedantics birth has more significance than the entity afterwards. Ganga is less important than its origin glacier Gomukh and other glaciers where several other its streams that unites and became the river till it got separated into many tributaries before reaching Bay of Bengal. Basu guides foreigners to all these distant places in Himalayas and eastern and western ghat and hindukush mountains. He lives on donation.

I met him in 1994. entire family was in Kolkata. Masima was very thin and very much hard of hearing. Basu was wearing a clean white pajama and a multi color Ganjee. Chain smoking. I proposed that we both start a school or coaching center. He smilingly declined that he remembers nothing. However it is not me, I remember almost every thing for my birth. Even those things I do not know. I went to Kolkata again in 2012. He was not there further I learnt that he is no longer welcome at Madhus' place. Madhus wife has intense dislike for him. Jagu no longer likes Basu because he takes money from Masima. Although Madhu swindled all Masima's money for his 12 years long study. No sharing with a sadhu even if he is your own brother. About 10 years back I called Jagu and talked with Basu then. He was happy himself.

Sadhu.

I am supreme I am unable to keep my honor

I have imagined planet earth other planets sun stars and sky.

Imagination of all creatures big and small is complete and visible to my senses and so called intelligence. I have already intelligent is an idiot who suffers entire life time. Time is an imagination of my fertile my mind. As much as all god and devil.

I imagined all sensible and senses. Light sound gravity electricity heat ... And learnt to tell from one to the other. I have also learnt sense from writing and vice versa.
Then I got trapped in gravity and cannot fly.

I wrongly cannot imagine my self neutral that I have to remain bounded by my senses.

The escapade from imagination is idiocy the inability to imagine. While negation is equal in meaning, wrong is good, right is good and good is bad. Bad is good. I do go round and round. My intelligence make me go round and round. It is almost impossible to get out of it. Not even when I am naked ir alone. My mind is forever in circular path.

Like all my writing or thinking.
I had gone on this trip for 4 days and night and could not get out. I starved and did not have the ability to fetch food and survive. All due to my intelligence.
There was no escapade. I learnt a very big lesson, biggest perhaps my intelligence is my gravity or blinding to my senses. I notice no pleasure or joy because of my intelligence.

Joy is not this or that. Yes or no. Agreement or disagreement. Joy is not what I think. Joy is being neutral to all happenings around me and not understanding any or perceiving any or inability to predict any in near or long term.

Joy is result of idiocy. Joy is of being a fool or fooled by a baby who does not know.

I did not set upon to write what I wrote just now. I wrote them millions time already. I assume perhaps repeating the same circular thought I can escape from that but it is not possible. I am getting some ability to see my thought but not quite. I get engaged in writing my thoughts. I cannot stop my intelligence.

Anyway I am an idiot and mad too.

I went out pausing me.

It is about May, however, temperature still hovering around 32F and snowing at times. Pole is gravitating towards Ohio.

Sometimes, not always intelligence is joy. I am thinking. Imagination is trap. In mathematics it is called closed set. All sequence in its territory or set is bounded by it. I cannot ever imagine anything that I cannot see. In my case it means that I cannot be ever original. Or First.
What ever intelligence, I may imagine it is like me only. Only other thing, I may imagine is not imaginable and it is one and only one and I cannot see yet experience that my self.

It deserves a name. Ancestor of this bounded set of imaginations with name. There are other names that exists but untagged with name since I did not have time. However I can look them up in Internet in some image or words.

In other words I cannot ever imagine to see an intelligence from anywhere in the heaven that is not like me - fool and thinking.

All search for intelligence is total foolish. Since we shall never find one as long as my imagined time line and space and events exist.

However my set of imagination are all  duplicates of Ancestor. 

In the symbolic language of mathematics - ancestor is {} while Me is {{}, {{}}, {{{}}}, {{{{}}}}, .....}. here each {...} means an imagination of me. The first ancestor is {}, its child is {{}} and so on.

No wonder I am suffering from Alzheimer. That is perhaps a relief. Otherwise I am not only prisoner of my imagination, i am gate keeper  and gardener of my imaginations. I am senseless idiot prisoner of my imagination belief and faith. Each pair of { } are my lockes i have bolted from my side to save me ruime by outside world.

There is none and nothing. Not even me. Not even words. Not even senses. To sense.

Only that.

Philosophy apart - I am not honorable even in my own evaluation and my norm

I am my made up world seen

I have been saving of my images of world through hazy dirty lenses all the time.

I am full of dirts - they ae layers of my experience of the world dirty and dirtier

I need deep cleansing bath to remove all the accumulated dirts

My eye need thorough cleaning from all the images captured since my birth the very first image

I am my made up world seen so far but not me.

I cannot reach me. There was is shall be any creator. I am supreme me and no option but bear my world and none to relate.

I am unpredictable and unpreventable.

I have to bear most public humiliations.

My world and me I cannot cover with words both remain unchanged - fatal painful unbearable when I must be silent but I cannot be

perfect is imperfect

I know perfection is imperfection and imperfection is perfection; even if this is forgotten or I have no memory.

Some disease perhaps.

I am glad and quite relieved. I can be myself that is imperfect for all time and most importantly now.

I as I am is perfect independent of all

Impossible - there is none - it is my misconception

I cannot blame is my preferred state

I do not know is my preferred state

I am required to know or whatever is not my preferred state

God is not external to me - god is just another composition of mine without any basis such as Bagha and cannot exist without my indulgence

non compliance or insubordination is my preferred state

I know is not my preferred state

I am not required to know is my preferred state

I am an idiot is my preferred state

I am Intelligent is not preferred state

I am honorable is not my preferred state

There is none and nothing required is my preferred state

All is illusion is my preferred state

I am required is not my preferred state

some is required is not my preferred state

existence is not my preferred state

I have to expose is not my preferred state

I must produce is not my preferred state

I have no state or statuts is my preferred state

Dream without boundary

No yin or yang no reciprocal meaning or implication no division

It took quite some time to comprehend what truly wordless

there is not any opposite

zero is infinity

yes is no

intelligent is idiot

world is not constructed with hammer or chisel but touch that creates perfection without labor

transformation is visibly with my participating witness

all the extremities just disappearing for ever and without impacting me

I saw for myself transient is permanent

belief is disbelief

perfect sculptor without help equipment or blue print in the process of composing

dream reality planet universe without effort without my wishing

seeing is believing what is perfection

word is wordless

illusion is illusion

non-comparable

without past or present or future or repetition or  ...or substance

knowledge is disturbing

I was all out supporter of Trump in 2016. I did not know much. But I was very disturbed with Clinton duo from what I already knew. They were greedy couple and I did not wish them to return. Obama failed so horribly. My neighborhood was filled with Syrians. Possibly USA can possibly absorb some more 100,000s but as a whole economic future of US was so much down for any kind of philanthropy. US had 21 trillion in debt. China is already super power can throttle USA any day except for food and beverage China gives us everything.

When Trump became President - I considered it to be very good for USA. But soon it was clear he is insane. Clinton had three stomach to fill and they were political. Trump had too many stomach to fill and too much past debts.

He is mad.

No certificate can make him sane.

His insanity I am watching for one year plus. Everywhere he is dashing against stone wall and he is exposing his mere thoughtlessness. It is not doing good to his personal and family greed. However, he is incapable of observation and assimilating situation. He is pursued by investigation on his lust for flesh and money. His towers are all over the world - his personal interest. Every morning he lets go his filthy words in Twitter. He does not understand that Internet companies are cancerous growth in US. They must be dismantled. US as a whole thought they are good for US and encouraged them to be very big. In 100 trillion world economy they are 5 trillion and and US owes to rest of the world 21 trillion!

It is mess. Rest of the world has monstrous grip on US financial system that is about 100% internet based and rigged with holes - so many that is impossible to plug.

I did not wish to be in neither Microsoft Apple or Google technology. I wished to buy a Linux machine. After 7 days search I gave up. Nobody is selling a Linux machine in USA. I have to buy a Dell or HP high end machine. I must get VMWare installed and in some VM in it, I have to install Linux. Although in server world Linux runs supreme, but in Laptop world Linux has no footprint.

I merely wanted a linux laptop say with 32 GB RAM and 1TB SSD with at most 2 Quad-processor. I could not find any. I was willing to pay about $1500.

I searched for WWW Index Table - I could not find any. I am disgusted with Google as a search engine. Any of my search last for 3 hours and after that I give up.

I have given up on Face Book, Amazon. I still use Microsoft and Google since I have no choice.

I must have choice.

I have landed up with Trump - I had no choice.

Next President shall be another unknown over sexed money hungry brainless blind maniac a God's favorite for US president-ship - my participation this time is not required.

I prefer not to know future.

meaning

Often I end my posts with
sentences stricken off to mean that in the present context the sentences have no meaning

Index of WWW pages based on contents

Without resorting to cheating people and companies based on selling private and personal information of users of internet - I wish there is a clean public fund to Create an Index of all searchable WWW pages. This search engine may not be Free but survive on philanthropy and membership (individual, university, municipality, country etc.) only.

Potentially, this shall be richer in content and delivery throughput than any other profiting Internet company to compete.

I wish to kill Google Bing Yahoo Face Book all cheats in one single stoke and their business model of thieving supported by US' brand of Capitalism and free market.

The search engine should be intelligent enough to understand conditions of varied search criteria. It should be possible to make search within search results with further conditions or constraint and relaxation of previous constraint.

This shall be based on A Index Table of contents - keywords, fragments, symbols, date, author, region, time of origin, reference, comments, kind of artifact ==>> URI with Likelihood (%) of success. It is not very difficult to make there are thousands of Choices. But I wish that it is Just Complete and ever expanding each day with thousands of crawler roaming the Internet, indexing and and making 1000s of stratified tables based on some criteria I have just mentioned.

I tried to access any such Index Table even for payment on monthly basis. I was promised one but that has perhaps gone belly up -  sold to any of this Internet Monster Apple Google Face Book Microsoft or Yahoo....

This must be in place for the sake of Knowledge and further enhancement of human enlightenment from written words.

This must be non-profiting endeavor for the sake of humanity.

buying future

Can I buy 100 lbs of Basmati rice to be supplied to me on 1st of January 2020?

Now 1lb of Basmati rice costs $1. January 1, 2020 the price may become $0.80 or $1.10. I have this money with me Now. Can I buy my future worth of $100 today.

I am making things complicated - but I am not at fault since this mode of thinking of being well off in future feels good now. I can feel bad now if I think had I sold Vanguard in January 1, 2018, then I would be $10000 well off. It is really loss since I did not do it. Had I done it and invested now then I am $10000 richer.

All this is going on my head. I came to know of Options an investment strategy where future is sold.

Options.

Suppose I have a mortgage with the X bank for $100,000. Supposing variable interest rate is going up by 1% every year. X now can sell my mortgage to Y for $105,000 and making profit right now without waiting for 30 years mortgage period. There is another Option. X takes $105,000 investment from Z promising him at higher rate of interest say current prevailing central rate + 1%. X then invest this amount again for whatever purpose even say mortgage.

This is mind boggling exercise of Option for investors. Mind boggling for me. Central Bank as well companies sells bonds and collects money to fund projects. Some are safe and some may not be so safe. 5% of yearly compound interest for 15 years bond may not be realizable when companies do not exist. Government may sell more bonds to finance payment without causing inflation. etc.

People engage in speculation trusting words and various other values they may hold profitable in future.

I am skeptic to any ideas and do not invest except to the extent to fund my current mortgage interest as long as it is more. I have not much faith to secure my future even in near future.

I have spent long hours in this topics for many years but found no way I can secure future or prevent unpleasant future.

unpleasant must I regard as pleasant Now without waiting for future.

I have no Option - otherwise.

Intelligent is idiot

I am not very fond of intelligence however accurate and accepted. I do not evaluate how often it may predict correctly even when it is100 out of 100 times observed - so far.

Statistics is a Lie.

My spouse is constantly predicting and imposing her prediction on me - I have to tolerate and I am bored. She is always correct and I cannot shake her belief. If I do, it is hell on earth. Her noise would bring the sky fall on my head.

My dislike is same for human or animal or plant or machine intelligence.

Beliefs I most distrust including my all beliefs. I am hopeless but learn to tolerate with occasional outburst.

I learnt addition subtraction multiplication division square root etc when I was child. I also learn to do the same using abacus and Facit. The principal did not change but I did not try to excel. Later in machine/computer, it was built in functionality - arithmetic operations. Language came in to write programs to do arithmetic with any number of digits and precision;  I used the same principal I used for my hand calculation that I learnt as a child.

However I did not extend my arithmetic knowledge in prediction using time date age or stars position or any other statistical observation or accepted laws of science or market. I have done such calculation but without believing in my prediction. I did not have any confidence in Type I or Type 2 error and their estimations either.

It is not possible to Predict without making assumption.

I remember simulating river flows from past data and constructing dam canal based on the same; going even further to optimize harnessing the same for production - Industry agriculture or electricity etc. I did not believe my calculation be ever correct in predicting future even if followed 100%.

Future is always same and remains unpredictable.

Is this not my hypothesis? Not believing too is a belief.

For me wide application of human intelligence to humanoid is a danger. I cannot imagine the danger of all vehicle being humanoid and all traffic controllers too are same humanoid optimizing incidents; and further humanoid observing the results and optimizing the same. Whole system thus established shall definitely collapse because any assumption that accident is preventable with any amount of accuracy or chance that is certainly Not true.

Machine intelligence is based on Observations. Curve fitting that optimizes an Error function. Predicting on Tests. Comparing Result with Actual. Giving an estimate of accuracy.

Whole thing is FALSE!

Truth does perhaps exist but I do not know.

yin I don't know. yang too I don't know.

thinking i know, doing i know, seeing i know, sound i know, words i know - however i don't know their usefulness

both magic and magician forever remain unknown to me, the witness or observer

there is no value that has any value ~ model of illusion if exist I do not know

I am born with one truth before I learnt - I do not know and that remain true even this moment.

Predictably I shall never know ever.

I have no choice - I do not know - not even this without any further imagination

I do not know any cure

reason is no reason

tensed is relaxed

matter is no matter

important is not important 

yin yang

It takes quite some time these days to remember. Before after chronology so entangled that I am very confused about time sequence. All these memory neurons are are just releasing information and becoming neutral and forever nonchargeable. My view point is no longer needed to be sound. It takes extreme efforts to write a sentence. Urgency not there. Audience is missing.

I have created two twins occupying my split brain. One is silent thoughtless action less wordless and absent. The other who has some desire to think do and emit sound too under the influence is squeezed and disappearing.

Two fishes hardly distinguishable except of color - white and black - sky and earth - one complements the other.

I could not remember Confucius for many hours only Lhotse came to mind again and again. How harmful is google to humanity I could not write for the sake of better world.

soon yang shall disappear not being of any use.Meanwhile thoughts appear and disappear - action appear and disappear - senses appear and disappear - words appear and disappear - sound appear and disappear.

no more more
conceived reality is fiction 
life with or without presence

Kushbedia

There are some villages around Chittaranjan - Simjhuri, Mihijam, Kusbedia etc.

From nearest road from Chittaranjan I saw Kusbedia but never dared going any nearer. I saw its very clean grove with lots of trees and some huts and very clean pavements,  unlike Chittaranjan's metalic tar road.

From a distance I always thought it to be abode of peace and there cannot be any difference among the people lived there - only alignment or being part of one family.

In 1997, I was near San Francisco. I crossed the ocean went to a coastal village of population of few hundreds. It was sunny bright day. Villagers were out around shops and displaying their wares - many collectible art objects in front of their houses. On the other side of the highway Pacific Ocean is incessantly striking the stones on the store and you can hear its madness. The village is enveloped in peace and tranquil.

I wished to retire there. However I am retired in mid-west far away from Pacific Ocean. I am trying to transform my residence to home for last 13 years - year after year.

do any see

Thus Spake Zarathrustra

written by Nietzsche.

The name was familiar to me for log time but we did not cross our path. After wild wild country - I came across some lectures of Osho in Israel on 'thus spake Zarathustra'. For whatever reason it was not very entertaining to me. In earlier occasions when I read Osho I was quite devoted and read from start to finish. This time for the first time it appeared very cheap reading while this was possibly his very matured time before his death abandoning roaming around the world and settling in Pune prior to his death. I have just received the book and learnt about Nietzsche himself. He went mad for 11 years prior to his death. His diseases made him sick along with other reasons - gloom from his first and last love and or whatever be the reasons. But he was a successful writer - this book itself is a proof!

I wonder where he researched on Zarathustra.

It was a longish dream. There was not much of past except Didima and the her house Suvarna that has changed and is now occupied by many I do not know. I am visiting Madhupur to discover the change. I started walking with a worry that I may get lost. I only know the direction of railway line. And I would know if I cross it. I also know the market and I would know if I cross it. The x and y axis are drawn in my mind. And they cross at 0,0 coordinate. I can discover Madhupur and it's changes given I have enough energy and places to eat shit piss or drink to freshen me. Assuming I have enough money in my pocket. I counted the money in my pocket and it is INR 11. I assume that I can get correct answer from my navigational system - people on the road giving me direction where is x and y coordinate whenever my memory fails to recollect. I need not rely on me, except x is railway lines and y is market which everyone knows. Sort or center of universe. I have my physical limitation that I need a private and clean toilet to shit. My bed to return is at Suvarna where Didima is eternally present. She is all of my past. I am out of past and present; I am venturing into future leaving past. Past is where I sleep unaware of my time and location. This is the context.

I have a code word to irritate Joya. Just say 'Broken-record' that repeats forever the same words about me with her perspective of past unmoved from Agartala before her marriage. She is further without 'volume-control'. She is forever going down in rest of her existential supporting system. She blames on me but it is Agartala and her values of unmarried her cannot give her peace any longer. She is harmed by her perpetual same sequence of Words from her past at same loud volume. I may not be able to cure her but I can remind her saying 'Broken-record' or 'volume-control'. It is entirely up to her to abandon her past that she would never meet in future again.

In her room she has collected lot of things. I remember Sarah. That was the time Joya used to have her puja corner at her side of the bed. Sarah used to come and do floor Pranam before the puja corner. Once I heard Sarah saying 'lots of things'. I asked where. She showed under the bed.

Now Joya has her private room and has collected so many more things - her private treasure. It may even include material that I bring from market - tea food seeds utensils etc. She even forgets what she has collected. But the room is small and she is running out of space.

All is in my mind. My mind has uncountable neurons that retains information. Same as Joya's room it is bursting with information. I do not have any extended place like FB, one Note or dairy to record information safe. Instead i am looking to forget and live like a superman without a safe. Without memory. Without Didima without Madhupur without intelligence.

How to do that unless I imagine at least one neuron unlike all that is defective and abnormal that cannot retain any information. Any neuron that comes in touch loses information. It is thus is surrounded by empty space or unoccupied space for ever. That is Superman!

I read a few pages from Nietzsche - Thus Spake Zarathustra before going to sleep. The context. I do not understand how Nietzsche collected all that he wrote about Zarathustra. That man did exist in history. To this day there is collection of people followers of him live in India called Zarathustra's. They have strange surnames Modi Contractor Tata etc. The stranger are there customs and after death rituals. They leave dead bodies under sky to be devoured by vultures as they possibly used to do in past when they lived in desert. They do not believe in God created the world. God is dead. No one goes to heaven o hell, dead as a whole returned to earth taken care of by sun the scavenger ultimate.

God in any form or meaning do not exist. There is no prayer or offering or place of his imagined abode. Dead bodies or soul if any leftover is fed to vulture or left to be taken care by natural system of recycling or returned to earth.

Nietzsche presumed to have had gone mad before death for 11 long years. He was identified to be so when he was standing embracing a horse having recently flogged by its owner. This was regarded as Proof of his madness.

Supreme perfect man is empty space! It is not theory but is existing here and now.
World is Supreme perfect and that too is existing in here and now always.
Both supreme are reflection of each other ~ yin and yang ~ supreme perfect - time independent - always

Do I notice but what is there to see

Privacy nightmare

Formally dressed, many times billionaire, Mark Z, CEO of Facebook has landed in Washington DC and meeting Senators and congressmen who have called him to question. They like to find out how much data about people is already lost and who are the customers. We already know Equifax has lost 150 million US residents financial records including mine. But we don't know who stole them. Suspicion is Russia and East European Country. They shall mess up our financial any day any time.

 We are accustomed to free service from Google who have all my account information password my day to day interests in their data store by virtue of Google Chrome Google search and Android Google Cloud etc. But they are not questioned. It is their singular business to sell my data to any without my knowledge. Yes I come to know what is my interest as soon as I open Chrome browser. I am posted many advertisement for my consideration. Of course they have collected them; and next 30 days I shall be receiving them when I use Chrome. Whenever I search any item in Google and I have no choice for any non profiting search engine - all gather information on me.

How to stop this?

Frankly we do not have any option but to have GDPR like legislation in USA. I have deleted my account in FB on February 28, 2018. I took a dump of what I had in FB. Among other things they had all my transaction using Paypal. FB tried to provide free internet service in India; they must be providing similar services elsewhere. I shall be surprised if Google does not have all the information about me whenever I use Chrome or Gmail. I have to live with it. Permissive laws of USA has created this monsters. Google has gone one step further they have created Android OS for mobile and they are collecting all information day and night even my location information. I went on tour accross USA. Every pictures I took, had recording of time and location. You cannot stop them selling my information without any GDPR like implementation in USA.

Question can be asked why we do not have a public search engine that does not collect and profit selling personal information Companies worldwide! We have Linux free OS. We have Wikipedia a free  encyclopedia. I need Open Mobile OS like Linux. I need Browser not owned by some Internet Company who is making their right to collect what ever use I make with their browser. They apply this knowledge for my ruin and continuous discomfort. Collecting and Selling Personal Information must be punishable offence. Non-compliance is not a choice. You shall be fined 2% Gross Earning for first misuse without consent same as in EU for GDPR non-complaince. Why there is no WWW catalog of pages of all sites and maintained by Open Public Infrastructure? I should be able to search that catalog in a manner that I get result in one invocation such as this ~  Search for "Zarathustra and his followers recorded before 1931 and not written by Nietzsche in any language preferably from India, Iran and Asia."  Country's law must prohibit all companies with fraudulent motives to sell and collect private information of its residents. These companies must be liquidate and stripped all profits so far made and returned to public.

Few weeks back Microsoft informed me of their terms and condition to use of Windows, Office, Browsers, Hotmail or any services I may use. The condition is they have right to use all my information in any manner they think is right. If I do not agree then I may stop using them. They have become monster today from my purchases of their computers etc. They have been allowed to become so. I have to throw away my purchases if I don't agree. Further Microsoft imposed a constrain that in future I would not participate in any litigation with MS if brought Court regarding its use of my private information! If I don't agree - it is my responsibility not to use Microsoft tools any more.

Another thing is patent or Intellectual Property. Not so long ago, one was allowed to do independent research and invent. There are so many co-inventors; but today it is not allowed. It is presumed that I cannot invent anything for my need. I must make a patent search for similar ideas. How ridiculous this is and it is being protected and promoted by country's law. Prohibition on Languages too. If I describe an algorithm in any language say Java I cannot implement it in my machine environment for any profitable purpose since it is copyrighted by Oracle! Next we shall be hearing English can only be used by people of England. All country should get together and have fresh look at IP laws.

This kills competitions. Apple produces 5000 IP every year, however, Apple products in last 30 years starting from 1981 is made entirely by others and not Apple. Only recently they are thinking of making touch screens. 99% IPs are worthless and theoretical made by others but IP right held by Internet Toy making Monsters.

Can you believe iPhone a mere phone but costs $1000 plus and phone is not expected to survive more than a year and is manufactured totally by others and not by Apple and in its premise. Apple only sells them and keep their earnings abroad and do not even pay any tax. Laws of USA is written to facilitate stealing and for thieves in making with no intention to protect individuals being robbed and ruined.

I have written in great length about Google's virus like grip on technology. Along with google search they have introduced very cheap technology - NodeJS ReactJS AngularJS etc. If you are trying to do genuine research using google search you need at least 3 hours to get to what you are searching. It take about 30 searches and 150 search output screens. In case if there is scope of free catalog of index for WWW we can construct intelligent search get to what is searched and get it with 5 iteration in 5 minutes. Now every Cloud Service is paid by meter. If something could be accomplished in a laptop application in 5 minutes, using cloud service it takes 50 minutes. It is like using calculator in olden days but 1000 times costly for an individual!!

Be aware of any business model around any free service. Nothing is free not even a lolly-pop.