Mejo Baudi

Last night I talked to jamaibabu. I do not follow and do not ask. I came to know there were lot of storm . He partly mentioned about shantu. I did not follow.

I called Mejo Baudi. 

I got up from a dream where I was searching for joya. My only constant for 35 years. I cannot find her.

I saw myself insane and I do have no support in my world. I cannot break my spell of nerve chilling expectation of being lynched live 

Mejo Baudi went to attend Shantu's eldest daughter marriage. They live now in Delhi with their two daughters. All livings from Kakku's branch came to marriage. Jhumurdi daughter and her child. Nupurdi son daughter and their children. Nantu do not have children. All were there.

All my relations are in place.

I remember this is fourth time I went insane out of fear - s k j j

Self doubt. 

can I be my self alone without defense without relation or terrestrial tie?

I have to live with my madness now permanently consciously. It is no more mere doubt.

what can I expect - given my status? can I deliver my promise of silence and acceptance without resistance?

inaction - silence - always without another thought - illusion is not in my control so is my silence ~~ I am dummy I have no preference or will