Time is Money the rule that unites earthling

I had shocking mishap last week. I went on an onsite assignment Monday till Thursday.

Tuesday I was sick and realized that I do not have confidence to do travel Job. I am unfit to work away from home. Under the circumstances I can only work remote.

My health is failing. I am incapable to look after myself. Fortunately this job can be done hundred percent remote. If I am not terminated, if so, it is welcome relief. I am going to work remote for next two weeks.

Suppose.

I am alive till now at the end of April and I continue to survive at the end of year and I really see 2019. 

I calculated of my purse to finance my stay in planet earth. For rest of life. Time is money. Chhorda too was engaged in this calculation before his death he had life time pension adequate to finance his way. It is my assumption that his relations around him wished him dead. They did not wished his money spent on himself. He was financially well off to live indefinitely without insurance.

I calculated the expected savings of $25000 at the end of the year if I continue to work sparingly even with ill health. I have to forgo all onsite job and only do remote job from home and home only. 

In 2019 perhaps I have to retire completely. I am calculating my rental obligation to planet earth. She does not forgive even one moment stay without rent. In fact it wipes out what shall remain of me. I am living in modern TIMES.

AS LONG AS I KNOW WORDS< I HAVE TO COMPLY.

If everything goes well as per my expectations. I would make $25000 savings and my mortgage shall be $90000. Investment $375000. Retirement benefit is $1500 per month. Joya's benefit is about $500 and I do not have to pay for her Insurance. It shall be deducted at source. She is also part of mother earth waiting for my demise before I exhaust my finance and live in debt out living my finance.

I shall be of Chhorda's age in June. If I still continue to live, My car mortgage shall end in 2020. My house mortgage will be $70000. I am not for paying off my house mortgage. My expense towards my house is $500/month and yearly debt reduction is $2500. Utility Insurance etc. $500/month. $500/month is living expense. $500/month House Tax. That is total of $2000 per month everything remaining constant. My short fall is about $500 or $6000 per year.

If I sell off my house and live on rental property I shall have $500,000 on investment and pension of $1500 per month on social security. Joya does not contribute while I have spend on everything including Taxes for her child care. She is bent upon making my meals I have asked my times to spare me. For a while about one year I refused to eat her cooking.

But I am married into it till she decides to live in India. She has her relatives and her own house sosial security and about $200000 plus about INR 1.5 million. Me Zinia Soham are incompatible with India and its ways. 6 years back I was there for 10 days and there after I took US Citizenship. Joya continues to go to India but this year she limited to stay there one month only.

I have to make a hard decision to be debt free before my death. I wish to delay it till 10 days before my death. Otherwise my living relations would push me out of my residence. Although I am not sure of 10 days advanced notice. Some advise me to make an investment for in home nursing Insurance. I do have Insurance for death expense about $15000. It would cost me $50000 just now. I no longer inclined to pay rent in advance to planet earth or whoever collects my rentals.

Financially perhaps I can bear myself unlike Basu and he is not bothered living on her mothers pension and written off his inheritance otherwise. His two brothers by words and actions do not recognize him their relations since he may claim his inheritance His mother is nearing 100 and has 3 flats and 2 KG of Gold.

However my failing health is discomfort for me fund or no fund. I do not liked to be looked after by any; nor do I want anyone to know that I am like child now and cannot attend to my need. I do not by no means like to be supported as long I am aware.

I have to be extremely careful about what I eat and I must not eat my money. Just because I paid in advance.

Milk and cereal I must avoid before I go out of home for any reason. Now that I cannot afford nursing care at home.

I must depend on very simple breakfast - juice curd a single piece of bread at most and a boiled or fried egg. Soup and dessert and an apple for lunch. Avoid coffee. Mineral water and mineral water only. No Indian food. Grill soup burger dessert fresh for dinner.

I cannot hopelessly stare at me soiling myself in public. Now that I know that I need a nurse. I reject it. I do not want t be supported.

I remember Chhorda's words. I thought he could physically support himself. He corrected me saying that he cannot leave bed unless fully supported. He had his pride - his financial strength. But he realized money cannot replace his physical disability. He needed oxygen to be given, blood to be given, food to be given, nursing care to be given .. new born child.

Do I have option?

Night before salmon I ate was poison. water juice and milk and bread was not safe. It took 30 minutes to explode. Now I know that I cannot venture out in public without nothing in bowel. Honestly I cannot bear or hold within my body.  Even without eating I create water that I cannot delay. I have this problem

I must leak every now. This cannot be delayed. I must recognize its coming 15 minutes before even when I am sleeping.

Mother earth is not very considerate to give me that much time. I cannot keep my honor in public or private.

I cannot silence any one now or after my death.

I have to witness my dishonor in public without word motion - I cannot hide. There is no place to hide.

Does knowing help?